The video of Ray Rice punching his then fiancee has been shown on
television repeatedly thanks to the Kings of Gossip - TMZ. Now everybody who is
an avid football fall, or at least television viewer, has witnessed the scene
of the famous knockout punch and Ray Rice dragging his unfortunate wife from
across the floor. After the picture first aired masses of anti - domestic
violence and pro - woman groups as well as individuals came out in front
of the microphones and cameras voicing their dismay and anger against Ray Rice,
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, as well as the entire NFL organization. The NFL
was receiving constant attacks and criticism for running a league full of mad
driven, high ego males who habitually beat up their wives and girlfriends as if
the behavior was customary. Myself, a fan of Ray Rice and a sorta fan of the
Baltimore Ravens, felt very disappointed in him. "He should have known
better", I thought to myself. Regardless of what she may have said or
done, "he did not have to punch her". But, like most people, after
hearing her comments concerning the transgression, - "No one knows the
pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my
family" - a feeling of shock and disbelief immediately struck me. "Don't
you realize that man could have easily ended your life?!?" I felt like
screaming inside her ears. But then after awhile the feelings of disbelief
dissipated. I realized that this is a domestic situation and these scenarios
are often extremely complicated. I began to read the commentaries from many of
the readers of various internet articles based on the Ray and Janay Rice
domestic incident and saw similarities between their comments and my initial
feelings regarding Janay Rice's response. A lot of Americans are still
clueless when it comes to domestic violence. Many of them assume that Janay is
simply standing by her husband for his money or that she is just the typical
booty shaking, pro sports groupie whose brain is located nowhere close to
reality. But despite what many people believe, her support for her man may have
nothing to do with his money. She may be intellectually brighter than you
and I. Domestic violence has little to do with the financial power of the man,
his family, or their social status. Poor husbands beat up their wives just as
much as rich and middle class husbands. Spousal abuse occurs throughout all
occupations, nations, religions, and cultures. Domestic violence is an
individual issue where various combinations of anger, fear, and suspicion is
triggered by events and circumstances. The effects of these events and
circumstances differ depending on the aggressor and his or her personal history
as well as psychological mindset. The victim in the relationship, her
history, psychological mindset also contributes towards the intensity and
frequency of the violence by how he or she responds to the aggressor and the
situation. When he yells does she often yell back? When he strikes does she
often strike back? When he threatens her does she stay in the home or does she
call a friend or relative? When he comes after her does she lock herself inside
a safe place or does she immediately call the police? When she says she is
sorry does he believe her? There are so many more questions but each and every
single one of them are crucial. Each question plays a very key role in the
decisions the aggressor and the victim will make and whether or not there will
be further violence in the relationship.
A lot of people place complete blame on Ray Rice stating that no man should
ever hit a woman, no excuses. As a person who has spent three years interacting
with clients within domestic violence and anger management group sessions, I
know that simply walking away from a loved one who upsets you is not always
easy. Words as well as actions hurt and when that loved one says those few
words or sentences that hits that nerve the individual immediately wants to
fight back. Human beings are prideful we don't always want to walk away,
allowing another person to win the argument or get away with saying something
hurtful. But then again I was not there in the parking lot with the couple so I
cannot state for sure whether or not Janay Rice said anything provoking toward
her husband or whether he may have been doing all the provoking from the very
beginning. Regardless, a man should never hit a woman, especially a man that
big. Ray Rice should have known better. He did not have to punch her. He could
have called a friend, a cab, even the police, just to protect him, his wife, and
his children from encountering a life changing situation. And it is very
possible he may have punched her before this violent incident. If that is the
case I pray that Janay wakes up and calls the authorities or someone for help
because way too many incidents occur where a loved one ends the life of someone
he or she was supposed to take care of but failed to because of the inability
to control his or her temper. Whoever is doing the provoking he is obviously
not able to handle it. He needs to consult further counsel and help from a
trusted source. They have the money they can afford it.
As mentioned before domestic violence is a very complicated issue and should
not be treated as a one size fits all affair. It is possible that this was a
one-time infraction that will never happen again. I believe that the two really
love each other but like all couples they have disagreements and this time the
argument between the two got way out of control. The first thing they should do
is to do everything to not allow the media, ex. TMZ, or public opinion to
influence their relationship. TMZ cares nothing for Janay and Ray Rice. The
media simply is running after the ratings and all the money, attention, and
laughter that comes with it. Shut the door from the media, get help and
counseling. Attend a church, yes church that believes strongly in the Word of
God as well as loving on people. It does not occur often but yes couples do
save their marriages, even have good ones after experiencing marital violence.
It takes a lot of patience, love, and FORGIVENESS, but it is doable. Of course,
if the man is beating her like a pulp and continues to do so then for the sake
of saving one's life and possibly the children's, by all means leave, and leave
quickly.
Circumstances where a wife is beating up on her husband, physically or verbally
can be a bit tricky because often times the husband is more physically stronger
and intimidating than his wife. But there are wives who physically abuse their
husbands and if such abuse is beginning to become life threatening then he
needs to consider leaving his woman in order to protect his life or both and
protect their children if they have any. Verbal abuse is trickier. In this
situation one needs to follow the advice of a wise pastor or counselor but
please don't do what Ray Rice did.
